Dear Annie,
I am writing because I need clarification about modern-day etiquette regarding thank you notes. It seems members of the younger generation find it acceptable to type rather than write after receiving a gift. I am baffled at the casualness, yet at least I am not left wondering if they received it and are grateful. I have received texts and emails for graduation gifts and baby shower gifts. What are your thoughts on this new common practice?
Curious in Ashville, Alabama
Dear Curious,
What an excellent question! It comes up quite often this time of year from both gift recipients and gift-givers. While I am not an etiquette expert, I have come to offer this guidance in relationship management. Do not give a gift with an expectation attached; it is no longer a gift. Do not accept a gift without the ability to receive it with gratitude; it becomes an expectation.
Now, I realize that what you ask is the method of expressing gratitude or appreciation. Does it really matter? While I find the art of a personalized, hand-written note the ultimate expression, it also depends on the content — naming the gift and how they hope or intend to use it. I’d rather receive a personal tech message than a generic written one! However, as you said, most important to me is an acknowledgment of receipt, especially when the gift has been sent from a 3rd party or mailed.
The other thing I’ve found is that I receive many online announcements and invitations these days. If someone starts with electronic communication, I suggest ongoing electronic communication, including the thank you note, is acceptable. And the same in reverse — if mailed and printed, then printed and mailed.
I hope this has helped and isn’t the joy in the giving after all?
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