Dear Annie: Someone I was once close to died unexpectedly recently. We had been friends for years and then had a severe and abrupt falling out just over a year ago. We said unkind words, and she blocked me on social media and pretty much anyone that connected us. We were both setting boundaries, but the way it happened left many people confused. She cut everyone out, and I eventually realized it was so they didn’t have to choose between us. She changed gyms where we met daily and completely changed her circle of friends. When someone would see her at the grocery store and inquire, she always answered that there was “too much drama” at our gym.
Although I was angry at how our friendship ended last year, I am grieving her loss. I have so many photos of her on my phone from the time we shared. She was beautiful with a tremendous smile and laugh! I loved her and want to honor her passing. How do I? I feel guilty for not having mended this rift. I also do not know how to approach the family. I have chosen not to attend the funeral but will donate as the family has requested in the obituary.
-Drama in Dallas
Dear Drama: I am so sorry that you have lost such a dear friend from a period of your life. You know, any time someone we have loved dies, we experience grief. Both anger and guilt are part of grief, and when there are unresolved issues or unspoken words, guilt can take a front seat for a while. This is normal. What I am hearing, however, is that two adults each made choices to honor themselves that required distancing from one another. And although you never reconciled the relationship, you never lost your love. If it were, you wouldn’t feel the way you do. Let that be what you hold close.
It sounds like you made the best choice at the moment for yourself to honor her family by not attending the service but also to still show up respectfully by keeping their donation request. I would encourage you also to give it some time and then notice what is in your heart. Perhaps all those photos her family has never seen with her happy, smiling, and laughing? I bet you get a beautiful, creative idea and present a gift that only you could give from your heart.
This article from from the 2022 editions of Inspirations For Better Living Magazine. Get your free 11 page preview today.