My Facebook and Instagram feed has been flooded with graduation photos from Kindergarten to College this past month, highlighting these milestones and transitions for my friends’ kids and grandkids. It is that time of year when one chapter ends and another begins—a season of growth and change.
These celebrations and commemorations showcase awards for achievements and jobs well done. There are end-of-school-year performances and tournaments, while towns and communities host festivals and fairs to exhibit and honor the best of the best in various categories honoring traditions and cultures.
My youngest son is a high school graduate this year. I recently sat through Senior Awards Night, proudly watching as he approached the microphone to state his name and intentions for the coming year before being presented with the Counselor’s Pride Award. This award was not for anything he had achieved but for who he is as a human being, student, and friend to others. My eyes filled with tears of joy. You understand, right? So many of us base our worth on our achievements, and when we fall short, we label ourselves as failures. Trust me, as a coach, I help people overcome this mindset decades beyond the onset. But we are not usually acknowledged and honored for being who we are but rather for what we do. So while he may never again be recognized for being true to himself and a man for others, knowing who he is, what he stands for, and living in alignment will always be his most outstanding achievement. I hope he understands.
Afterward, at the reception, we greeted him with smiles and attaboys. He replied, “Thanks, but there was no real award.” I know what he meant. He got a handshake from the principal. He did not get a plaque, trophy, or certificate like some other students acknowledged that evening.
Breathing in his disappointment, I felt his pain in my chest. I knew I must exhale the toxicity before it filled me and instead choose compassion and understanding.
What’s the lesson? I silently asked myself.
What do plaques, trophies, and certificates represent? Reminders. We forget our successes over time and focus on perceived failures. So having diplomas and awards on display reminds us that we have persevered to complete a particular level or standard or met a goal. These commemorations say we showed up, did our best, and played the game of life in this way on this team, or for this merit, or to master this modality. And, when we forget that we have skills, strengths, and abilities, we have physical evidence that there is something in us, about us, that got us to that pinnacle.
But as I said before, we are not usually acknowledged and awarded just for being; awards are for doing. How do you capture the fantastic human “being” award in a physical object? For my son, I will frame a photograph of him shaking his principal’s hand and have the frame engraved with the award title. Perhaps he will take it to college and display it in his dorm room. Perhaps not, because it is not a “real award.” But what I will always strive to remind him of who he is, an amazing human being, doing life in a way that honors who he is while respecting and serving others. And, of course, I should ask him what would be the best reminder for him. I did. His answer — a tattoo!
What’s the lesson? Always celebrate your child’s successes as it boosts their confidence and self-esteem. And, if you ask them how they want to commemorate something specific, be ready to support their answer. I will be making an appointment at a tattoo parlor this summer!
Lessons in Commemorations
