As a little girl, falling in love, getting married, and having my own loving family one day was my ultimate dream. It was always only a matter of time.
Fast forward a few decades, and I certainly don’t need a holiday to remind me to express my love to my husband and children. I have learned to be multi-lingual. I try to speak all five love languages! I do acts of service for them, say words of affirmation, give gifts from my heart, hug and kiss them, even when they pull back — especially when they pull back, and I make every effort to spend quality time with them. It’s more about their availability now that they are older! Yet, it is easy to become complacent with those closest to us and take the relationships for granted. Even those who “know” we love them need expressions of our love and affection just as we need theirs.
Look, I get the “Hallmark” holiday bashing. I do. So much has become commercialized and feels contrived. I also get that it is up to us to take it or leave it. However, with all that is hard and overwhelming in life, I will always take an opportunity to celebrate love. I choose to see these calendar events like a smartphone notification like anything else important in my life. It is a reminder that no matter what I have said or done today, there is something particular I can say or do on this day. I am given a theme! Although Valentine’s Day tends to have a lot of pressure for romantic love, there’s a gift to us all if we allow it. After all, who can hate a holiday about love?
Some would say Valentine’s Day isn’t for families but don’t tell my kids that. My children have grown up with heart-shaped pancakes and Dollar Store decor hanging from the light fixtures in the kitchen. There has always been candy, a card with love from Mom, and maybe a stuffed animal or other age-appropriate tokens of my affection. Change the holiday, the decorations, and the menu. It is like shampoo, rinse, repeat — they have come to expect a little something heartwarming like onesie pajamas every Christmas Eve even though they are now young adults. At times, my efforts were met with eye rolls, and other occasions met with, “What, do you mean we have to share an Easter basket?” even though they were teenagers. So much for trying out the large “family” basket! At least I now know they love my often corny yet sincere gestures. I am certainly no Martha Stewart and have cooked more meals in the microwave than on the stovetop, but I go all out when it comes to holidays.
What I find magical about Valentine’s Day goes back to being a kid myself. It was a day at school where classmates exchanged sweets and messages about caring for one another. No matter the relationships and struggles on the playground the day before, on Valentine’s Day, everyone was reminded not to hate or hold a grudge. Everyone was expected to say something nice, focus on something positive about each person, and see one another with admiration —and maybe a select few with adoration.
I loved sitting at our kitchen table, carefully choosing each one from my pharmacy store-bought box of miscellaneous cute messages wishing someone a happy day or saying how glad I was we were friends. Some were funny, some serious, and I paid careful attention to whose name I assigned accordingly. If I saw someone as sad, I wanted to cheer them. If I saw them as bad, I wanted to soften them. If I saw someone as lonely, I wanted to embrace them. Thank goodness there were always extra envelopes as I did not wish to scribe anyone’s name incorrectly or messily! Oh, that “teacher” card…with sparkles in my eyes and a smile on my lips, I would use my very best handwriting skills knowing she would see just how highly I regarded her. I often added a lollipop or small box of conversation hearts candies to the cards. I felt love in preparing my gifts.
As I opened each card addressed to me, I recall reading them, imagining my classmates had taken just as much care in selecting their special message for me. I remember feeling loved in return and, after sharing my loot with my parents, going to bed smiling. I knew we would all be kinder and happier tomorrow. Perhaps there were more profound lessons in those mailbox projects that seeded the capacity to express and receive love. If a “Hallmark” holiday can do that, then let the magic happen!
Valentine’s Day is a reminder to pause and show some love to someone. It doesn’t have to be a grand or expensive gesture, just a genuine one. It is easy to fall into complacency and take the relationships that are closest to us for granted. We can get so wrapped up in daily tasks and obligations that we neglect showing how we feel. All relationships take time and effort to reach their potential, not just romantic ones. You know, that reminds me of my best friend from 8th grade; I think I’ll text her some heart emojis and an encrypted message about getting together. And, my high school swim coach who turns 80 this month—I’ll write him a letter to let him know how influential he has been in my life. My brother had a few surgeries this year. Sure, I checked on him and followed his progress. What a great time to send him a goofy Valentine card? They all know I love them, and I know they love me, but isn’t there something magical about showing them? Thank you, Hallmark, for the gift of the reminder.
Whatever I find myself inspired to do for my family this Valentine’s, it will be waiting for them on the kitchen table where they always find love.
The Magical Gift of Valentine’s Day
