How to deal with heartbreak when it is time to celebrate
No matter the time of year, breakups can be painful. They can be devastating when they happen during the holidays, and surviving a holiday breakup can seem impossible. Isn’t everything supposed to be joyful, merry, and bright? And now, it seems to be woeful, lonely, and dark?
Whether you chose it or not, you are left sitting solo after flying duo, and everyone is asking, “what happened?” You may even be asking the same. Does it have to do with the pressure of December? After all, December is known to be the month for the highest number of marriage proposals. So, perhaps it makes sense that it is also the highest number of status changes from “in a relationship” to “single” on Facebook.
Whatever the reason for the season of heartbreak, here are 10 tips for surviving a holiday breakup:
1. Befriend time.
Give yourself the time you need to heal. How long a heartbreak lasts is an individual experience. One key is your ability to cooperate with time and allow your wounds to become scars. To do so, you must not become one of the “walking dead,” showing and telling your hurt to anyone who will look and listen. It would also be best not to intentionally expose yourself to the people, places, and things that keep you raw and remind you of your loss.
2. Embrace emotions.
Allow yourself to feel your feelings. If the Ugly Christmas Sweater triggers the ugly cry, let the tears flow. Be with your emotions, and recognize they are supposed to come and go. Just as they are not supposed to stay forever on display, holding them in and pushing them down only delay your healing and prolong your pain. Experience them, acknowledge them, and let them pass. Neuroscience shows if we don’t get caught up in our thinking about the “story”, painful emotions and their gut wrenching physical responses dissipate in less than 2 minutes.
3. Stay connected.
You know who truly matters in your life. Keep them close and let them know what you need. If it is to be alone, say so. If it is to be with them, ask for their company. And, be specific in exactly how you would like to spend that time. Do you need to go out on the town and have fun? Do you need to sit quietly, lean into them, and watch a movie?
4. Pause social media.
It might be a good time to take a break from being engrossed with everyone else’s holiday moments. Although you may indeed be happy for them, it may make you vulnerable to feelings of disappointment. And if that leaves you lost in ruminating thoughts of what could have, should have, and would have been, then take a social media vacay.
5. Choose JOMO.
Your social life just changed significantly, and your calendar may appear as empty as you feel. The invitations may slow down or not come at all. An excellent strategy for coping with loss is to embrace the power of your choice. You can choose to see it as having been left out and just hurt yourself more. Or, you can choose to see it as an opportunity to experience joy and help yourself feel better by finding pleasure in something meaningful and straightforward. Often, that can involve giving to others. Rather than seeing the losses in missing out on the parties, celebrations, and experiences that you expected to do as a couple, try volunteering for a cause that connects you to a passion.
6. Be present.
There may be some gatherings which you feel you must attend. Whatever activities you do choose to engage in and with whomever you do so, be present with them at that moment. Be selective so that you can show up fully present and committed.
7. Avoid rescuers.
As word gets out, and it will, rescuers will show up, ready to pull you from the depths of your assumed despair. Rescuers need victims, and victims need rescuers. It may appear and feel good to have someone interested in you quickly, but heed this warning: you are vulnerable, and this is not the beginning of a healthy relationship. READ #1 AGAIN.
8. Level up.
Recognize that whatever someone says or does is about them, not you. When you can change the story you are telling yourself about the breakup and not make it about you — that you weren’t enough in some way — you can level up your thinking, which will change the energy, and how you feel about it. You can stop being victimized or in conflict with what happened and let it go. And you will NOT need a rescuer.
9. Find gratitude.
Once you’ve leveled up and let it go, you can find gratitude that you did not spend the holidays in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere. You may be sad that you are alone under the mistletoe, but also glad that you did not share yourself, your friends, and your family with the wrong person for you.
10. Reach out.
If you are struggling to deal with a breakup and move forward in a healthy way, seek professional help. A relationship coach or therapist can help you process your emotions, restore confidence, and become open to new possibilities.
Breakups are stressful, and the holidays make them more emotionally impactful. Many already struggle through this time of year. Mental health and self-care must be a priority regardless of relationship status. So, focus first on your surviving the holiday breakup by using the coping tips to help you love yourself through it. And remember this, you are going through a breakup. You will get beyond it.
Schedule a complimentary Discovery Call here. My hand is here for you to help you through this tough time. You deserve happiness and wellness in every way.