Embracing change in life is like the turning of autumn leaves. Just as the trees shed their vibrant colors, trusting that new growth will come in the spring, we too must release what no longer serves us, knowing that each transition is a natural part of our personal evolution. But, why do so many of us resist it?
For those who find change difficult and resist it, you are not alone. I find that people become comfortable where they are, even if it is uncomfortable. The thought of change can be overwhelming, and the unknowns of change can threaten our sense of control.
The predictability of what we have becomes more acceptable than the uncertainty of what could be, so we hold on to people, places, situations, habits, etc. Yet, despite the difficulty, change is often essential for growth, new opportunities, and the evolution of who we are.
Every fall, I initiate a new support group, bringing together individuals navigating significant life changes. Some of these changes are welcomed, while others are not, yet what unites all the participants is the emotional upheaval that accompanies these changes. They grapple with pain, self-doubt, and the uncertainty of what lies ahead. Despite their outward differences, they share a common internal struggle.
Recently, I had a session with a private client who, to the outside world, appeared to be handling her life changes with grace. However, she confided that internally, she was battling overwhelming thoughts about the upheaval of a pending divorce and starting over, which were disrupting her sleep and triggering anxiety.
We spent time on her perspective of the change. She was ruminating about time lost in the relationship she was now leaving. She felt she was not where she should be in life. She was worried about facing her soon-to-be ex in legal proceedings because of how just his looking at her would intimate her and make her feel guilt, doubt, or remorse. She believed her job did not challenge her enough, though she was valued and respected and had achieved financial independence.
It was then that we embarked on a journey of reframing. Change was not something happening to her, but for her. We explored what she needed to let go of, what she needed to hold on to, and what was being prepared for the next season of her life.
The reframes she embraced included that change was happening for her, not to her. She must let go of negative thinking and shift to positive thinking by holding onto the promise of renewal that comes with change. She chose to see leaving her marriage as overcoming an obstacle holding her back in life, and divorce as an opportunity to move forward. Therefore, seeing her ex-to-be in the proceeding would not be disempowering but empowering. She would empower herself by not worrying about what he was thinking but choosing what she would be thinking, which would be that she overcame this challenge and that this legal proceeding represented a ritual of her success. The job she now saw as a blessing, and that time was on her side. My client could envision how she wanted to spend her time, who she wanted to spend her time with, and what she wanted to do with her time. All is working for her, not against her, and this mindset empowered her to set new goals for a new season. She is seeding her growth. I can’t wait to see what blooms in spring!
Like this time of year when the wind may be brisk and the branches bare, the beauty of change lies in the promise of renewal, where every season prepares us for the next chapter of growth.